I Hope For What I Do Not Expect

I hope for what I do not expect.
My efforts are clumsy & isolated.
I hardly know what to do.
I approach normal transactions distrustfully.
I offend people.
I rarely get mechanical tasks right the first time.
Traffic & internet instructions cause me anxiety.
Tho I don’t compete for the usual prizes
I’m rarely anywhere near relaxed clarity.
I work for wisdom, justice, sanity —
not just safety, sanitation, plenty, belonging.
I hope my efforts become more effective —
that I become focused, that I coalesce, & emerge.

I’ve been in trouble all my life
& hope I can continue to be in trouble a while yet —
but that I emerge from merely coping —
part of a coalition such as never yet existed
based on understanding nowhere in effect now.
I hope & work for what I do not expect.